I am a "Newbie". I stumbled across this site in a search for answers and help. My bf of 3 years is an alcoholic. I, because of my own childhood, etc..., am a codependent. I have struggled with my codie status for years but continue to find myself in these toxic relationships. My bf drinks pretty much EVERY day - sometimes just a couple of beers other times beer and liquor to the point of black out. During these blackouts, he is both verbally and physically abusive for of course no reason. Everything is my fault. This past weekend we were at a friend's birthday party and he drank himself into oblivion. He was angry that another guy, a friend of ours, was talking to me. He took me by the throat and shoved me against the wall in front of everyone. I tried to leave the party but we had his vehicle and he tried to stop me from leaving. He was in a rage. He then demanded that we go home. I thought it would be better to leave and just go home and go to bed. Wrong. He continued to scream at me - accusing me of trying to have sex with other men, etc..
I tried to go to bed and he decided he wanted to leave. He couldn't find his keys. He ranted and raved for 4 hours about his keys. Tore the house apart, called me all kinds of nasty names, told me he didn't care about me, told me he would NEVER marry me (like I want that?!!?) and wouldn't let me go to sleep until he found them. He finally tired himself out and fell asleep on the couch. I went to bed.
The next day I got up before him and searched the house for his keys. Couldn't find them. I wanted them because I wanted him to leave. He always wakes up in a foul mood after drinking and I wasn't looking forward to that. He woke up and was apologetic. Didn't remember a lot of the night. He admitted that he does remember him yelling and fighting with me for hours. He told me that he didn't mean all of the horrible things he said. He looked for his keys and found them in a jacket pocket - he had hidden them from himself and me.
He didn't drink at all that day. He drank a couple of beers the next night. When he is not drinking he is a wonderful person. Sweet, kind, loving. When he is drinking, its like he turns into his alter-ego.
I'm sure everyone here has heard this sort of thing before and/or experienced worse. I guess I am just trying to figure out what to do. Unfortunately, I love him but I know I can't save him. I know I need to turn my codie self around and worry about me. How can I make this work in the short term without leaving? I am not in a position to leave him financially. When he becomes his alter-ego, what is the best thing to do?
HELP!!!
Thanks so much for listening!
