When you mentioned that she says her drinking is your fault.....that really hit a nerve with me. My XAH always said that too. But here's the thing. No matter what/how I tried to change my behavior (which I now see is codependent behavior, and extremely unhealthy) the drinking never stopped. This will be very hard on you and the kids. It sounds to me like the "coping" has already started. And while it seems like it's not affecting your kids, just hearing you say that they go into another room or on facebook, to me, clearly states that it is already affecting them. It doesn't sound to me that your at the "thinking of leaving her" stage, hopefully for you and the kids it won't get there. Alanon has been a lifesaver for me. They don't tell you what to do, but just hearing other stories and having people understand yours is extremely comforting. I also get that, and more, from this site.
I wish peace for you and your kids.
M