Old 01-18-2011, 05:17 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
StarCat
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by MissGuided View Post
Starcat, do you think that some people just dont have a bottom? I believed everyone did but my AH seriously cant get any lower, hes lost everything and now he has been told that he will absolutley die if he does not stop drinking NOW! It makes me feel like he just wants to die and that makes me so desperately sad
Some people have lower bottoms, and some would rather die than try to get help because it looks "too hard". The alcoholic won't start a true recovery until they view that the pain and difficulty to get well is less than the pain and difficulty to continue on their current path.
My ABF's alcohol was not bad enough to land him in the hospital, but he has a lung condition, and alcohol has made it impossible for him to breathe quite frequently. What does he do? Panics about not breathing, and drinks more whiskey, which makes the problem worse. That's how he does it, and any attempts I have made to stop this cycle have been unsuccessful and have resulted in him yelling at me and resenting me and drinking even more - so I started letting him do his thing.

Whatever he decides, it is his decision, and the best thing you can do for him is give him the dignity to make his decision for himself. If you try to force him to do what you feel is the right thing for him, the solution won't stick, and it will only cause resentment.
It's not easy, I know that. It does allow you to give some attention to yourself, and your recovery, and sorting out all the emotions rattling around inside you that you're afraid to address.
(((HUGS)))

Originally Posted by Thumper View Post
I'm sure everyone knows your ex is an alcoholic. You aren't going to be revealing any secrets. Everyone goes to al-anon for the same reason. Because they love someone with alcoholism. There is nothing to be ashamed about, no one there is going to cluck their tongues. They *know*. You may be surprised at how affirming it is to be with people that really get it.
I'd also like to point out that Al-Anon holds to a requirement for anonymity, so anything said in the room has to stay in the room. The people in the room are also there for the same reasons as you, they are not there to judge. They have similar problems to yours, and similar experiences.
You also don't have to talk at the meeting if you don't want to. You can just sit and listen to everyone else, there is no requirement to say anything at all.
And if you do decide to talk, you don't have to be afraid of breaking down into tears. There are always plenty of tissues. I think I used up an entire box by myself the first time I went, and in all the meetings I have been to there's always been at least three people who cried.

They're not judging you. They're in the same position as you, and sometimes just knowing you're not alone is enough to keep the strength to keep moving forward.
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