Hi lostfamily! ok, by now I know a lot about this woman. But I know nothing about you.
How are you doing?
Are you open to counseling for you and the kids?
When my parents divorced my mom took me to therapy- it was very helpful for everyone. Now I am back to therapy again and am able to Zoom Out, be more observant and conscious about my thoughts, feelings, decisions. I hope you do give it a chance. Also, I recommend you get the book "codependent no more" by Melody Beatty. Very very helpful book.
I am so glad your kids have you. You are not to blame for anything this woman does. Sometimes I took responsibility of how or why an XABF drank. Now I realize that is what he likes what he does and he is free to do it- as I am free to chose a life free of toxicity. I mean, life is already tough enough. Hoping you are given more clarity and peace these days.
After 2 years of No Contact with the alcoholic I knew, I realize I have always been resourceful and that I am never alone, I am with myself, and I am very good company. It is sinking in that I deserve peace. Moreover that I can trust others with my feelings and my pains... that I don't have to do it alone. I hope you realize the same applies to you. Hugs!!