Old 01-17-2011, 08:09 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
MissGuided
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Thank you so much. This is exactly why i joined. I am not quite ready to go to al-anon meetings yet- I would have to go to one a gazillion miles away as everyone in the neighborhood knows my AH. And me. Oh did I mention I was a bartender? Yeah that adds a certain sadness to all this.
Thats how I met him actually. 8 years ago. I should have known to stay well away when he was coming into the bar at 9 oclock in the morning. God, the signs were all there!! wtf was I thinking? I was young, everybody was just having a good time, blah blah blah. and the signs continued and i denied denied denied. Because everytime I went to face it head on, this overwhelming sense of dread just came over me - like I couldnt breathe. So I carried on in my own little pretend blissful ignorance.
But I woke up and i was going to leave him. But then I got pregnant. so we got married. And I thought things would be better but they actually got worse!!! Or was I just more aware of it? the lies. the missing money. the lies the lies the lies.
His sister (just one member of his completely selfish unsupportive family) said 'Well she knew what he was when she married him' ugh! i feel like Im always defending my leaving him, in my own head! Like I am always giving myself reassuring pep talks! its mad!
Starcat, do you think that some people just dont have a bottom? I believed everyone did but my AH seriously cant get any lower, hes lost everything and now he has been told that he will absolutley die if he does not stop drinking NOW! It makes me feel like he just wants to die and that makes me so desperately sad
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