Hi StarlightSasha
How are you doing today?
It's Melody Beatty not Melanie
and I have: "The Grief club" "Codependent no more" and "The Language of Letting go" this last one is like a daily reading and is worth a lot. Her books are wonderful! I am glad you are taking steps to take care of yourself!
I work with XABF and have interacted with him often for the last 2 years, also saw him with a GF almost right away (I think it took 2 minutes) who loves the drink too. That is like the last kick in the gut but addicts are in evasion mode, of course they won't stop to learn something after a breakup. Why would they do it if they are afraid of feeling anything uncomfortable? this has nothing to do with you.
I have been upset, sad, angry and sometimes still are- but last Christmas I saw them from a distance again- and in the end I just felt GRATITUDE for no longer being around him! of course its a very long way and I am not totally there but dettachment gets easier and easier...
It sounds impossible but having to be physically "close" to him or his friends does NOT mean that you have to be emotionally attached. And when you start feeling indifference and lack of interest about his whereabouts it will be so wonderful and you'll realize how strong you are ! its a process though and I am glad you will be speaking to a counselor in real life... and yes the painful experiences in my life have brought me closer to God, to that incredible peace within... I am glad we get to be in this journey together.