Me (when he started flipping out that I'm dating): You had a girlfriend for the last four months of our marriage!
Him: I didn't have a girlfriend. I had a freak out.
*****Huh???
In regard to the night he slept with her: "Why didn't you tell me not to go?"
Some other faves:
I've got this under control.
I'll only drink with you.
I'll only drink on weekends.
I only had three beers.
You never let me out of the house so I have to drink like this to make up for it.
I'm getting it out of my system now. It's not like I'll keep drinking like this when the baby is here.
You just don't want me to have fun.
Oh, sigh...