With all due respect Rayn, I agree with everything but this and feel the need to point it out, for Lilly's sake:
she seems completely incapable of recognizing the irreparable damage she is doing by not only tolerating but in some ways facilitating his addiction
.
Honestly, we are just not that powerful. I caanot agree that a mother's enabling creates irreperable damage. These are GROWN MEN we are talking about here, not infants.
Lilly, it feels counterintuitive but you did the right thing. Remember the three Cs: you did not cause it, you cannot cure it, and you cannot control it. IMO the mostzloving thing we can do for our loved ones is take the best possible care of ourselves as we can, and let them find their own way. Allow him the dignity to sink or swim on his own. (((hugs)))