I'm reading these posts and its bringing me to tears....
I'm on the other side of the situation.
I'm the alcoholic.
I was the reason for our unhappiness.
Its hard to explain the love we had for eachother w/out sounding mushy.
But thats how we were.
We were in our mid-late twenties when we met and have been together for, going on 7 yrs.
I've put him through the ringer...he moved out for about 6 months and just when 'we' thought I was done drinking he came back and put him through the ringer again.
I hate how this addiction has taken over the person I am.
I'm angry how I LET myself be taken over by this addiction.
I'm angry how the one thing I didn't want to become is the one thing that took over my life.
We still live together...but things are so different.
And it hurts so much.
I hate that he passes by me and doesn't touch me.
I can feel how he doesn't feel the same for me.
But what hurts the most is that I'm still so madly in love w/ him.
Its like I woke up from this dream and all my feelings are there
but he's been going through this nightmare and has been feeling every emotion by himself.
I guess I want to hear or feel that there's a possibility to get us back on that track of living our lives together as a family.
I sometimes (as a drunk) used to argue that one day we're gonna look back at this (my addiction) as a bump in our lives.
I used to say it as a way to buy time...but its what I really hope happens.
No matter what he decides (sole provider and financially can't at the moment,waiting for income tax return) about moving out
its not gonna drive me to drink
but it will hurt so badly.
I don't push him to give me answers or constantly ask him what he's gonna do.
Partly because I don't want to hear the answer and partly because I feel I have no right to ask.
Anyway... these posts have really opened my eyes to what he must be feeling and to start planning my life w/out him.