Cyranoak

"...if you love him you will do whatever it takes to support him in his recovery." I'm equally offended by the "time to be an adult" crap too. Totally out of line and, in my opinion, it is passive-aggressive co-dependant high-level BS. Probably a little transference happening as well. No offense intended.

Love, hope, and romance are the big three ******** things I constantly see on the board as reasons and/or excuses we do or do not make the decisions we need to make when we need to make them. Hope is not a strategy, romance is not real except in movies and is certainly not something you should make life-changing decisions around, and love is just the key that starts the car, it doesn't drive it. Forget all three.

Loving him does not obligate you to not have alcohol in the house. It's your house. It goes to this-- he has a need to not have alcohol in the house. You, as somebody who does not have a problem with alcohol and enjoy your lifestyle want to keep a bottle of wine around. You are both reasonable in your needs/wants here. BOTH.

One of you will have to give, and if neither of you can do so freely, then living together would be a very bad idea. In my opinion it was also a bad idea to begin dating an alcoholic to begin with, and it's a bad idea to move in with and/or marry an alcoholic.

You are correct that his recovery is fully and completely his responsibility. He is correct that early in recovery it is probably best to avoid alcohol in your own home.

My wife has asked there be no alcohol in the house. I have respected that because it is not important to me to have alcohol in the house. I drink out with friends, and I have some beer in the garage and will have one or more while out there working (she knows about this).

Perhaps, over time, she will come to a place where alcohol in the house does not bother her. Now is not that time.

Take what you want and leave the rest,

Cyranoak