Wow, realizations are empowering and sad at the same time.
I was watching the Oprah Winfrey Network last night, was going to bed at 10, they kept showing clips of a show that was on at 10, Into the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman and I thought, oh I don't want to watch that, but for some reason my HP (higher power) intervened and I did. The show was a mirror of my relationship with my husband. He was a bully to me, sweet to everyone else on the planet except his mother. As I watched I realized I don't want to be that woman anymore and even if he did get help through AA or Anger management, I don't think at this moment I would take him back, he has hurt me so much. That is why I don't miss him, he wasn't "MISS" able! There were some moments of love in the midst of the verbal abuse's cycle, but not enough to sustain the relationship. The alcohol made him sweet and friendly, unless you crossed him. Even when he was sober he demeaned me in so many ways, part of the dry drunk syndrome. I know there are many of you out there and I will start praying for you and myself today!
We have to now work on ourselves, hard work, but I believe all of us have that something inside us that is resilient and loving and someone will be sent to us to show us what a real relationship should be like. But we have to work on ourselves first, we allowed it to happen once and so we are partly responsible.
Sending out lots of love and prayers today!!!
