Originally Posted by
cutelittlewife 
cabledude - BFF is best friend forever
And he remains to be mine. And yes, now I'm definitely encouraging him going to meetings. I realized the other day when he asked 'Would it be ok if I go to a meeting tonight?' - he asked in a way he was expecting me to be mad... like I used to get when he 'abandoned me to go hang out with his alcoholic buddies'. Now it's different, I am all for it.
And thank you for the words of hope and encouragement. This is the second time in those 5 pages that someone says he could be faithful to me for the rest of my life. Thanks.
skippernlilg - thank you as well. I know if at any point in my life I do make the decision to leave him I will have to deal with a lot of crap like selling the house, etc. and people's attention will certainly not help. I also know that there will be many who will support me and that I would be able to count on, including his family members (I know this for a fact, I have spoken to my mother on law before and she said she'd support me whatever I decide). I also know that the attention and shame that I will feel will only be temporary and then I'd have a brand new life and I wouldn't be alone forever.
I never thought of myself even imagining these things, but now that I at least have to consider them, they're less scary.
Your tack in encouraging his meetings is also suggested in the Big Book. Good job!
One day at a Time.
I see on this site, you're getting the ESH (Experience, Strength, and Hope) that we Al-anons live by. This thread does seem to weigh more on the E part...which is helpful.
Here's my E, when it comes to those folks who promise to be behind you 100%. Last week, when RABF (background: RABF was live-in boyfriend with me for 10 years, and I have a 10 year old child from a previous relationship who regards RABF as the only father he's ever known) was refusing to talk about the issues as a family, he drove off. I called RABF's mom to let her know we were not on our way as planned and that I was changing the locks.
She said, "I am behind you 100%. If he tries to come back maybe the best thing is to go ahead and call the police. Maybe that will be a wake up call for him."
I am quoting almost word for word.
One Hour Later... She called me again. Had I heard from him? What's going on? Honey, if he shows up later, just let him in, and then I'll come get him in the morning.
I told her that we'd already done that once, and that was no longer working for me, that I changed the locks, and that the police recommended that I file a formal eviction notice in court the next day.
She paused. She was quiet. Then she said, "I don't know what to say about all that. I'm hanging up with you now."
Yep, she was mad. I thought about it and thought about it. She was upset because she realized she couldn't depend on me to take care of her son like I had anymore. It was in her lap.
I had tried to explain that my abilities were hampered because, while we are considered 'common law' , we are not legally married, and I was limited in my resources when it came to him. Her position was that it's her son, she loves him, and she will not leave him out in the cold.
After a few days, she's cooled off, and she understands more of why I had to do what I did. But that promise of being behind me 100% was more like maybe 70% in our case.
Just sharing my experience, so you do not go into anything with your eyes shaded. You should work on your own health and wellness. Let go, and really, Let God (or HP, wherever you are on that) c011: