Originally Posted by
cutelittlewife 
hey naive,
Yeah, I know it's not a good list for a 'family man' or any man, really. I don't want to defend him, but the reason why it's a little easier for me to accept this is that all of these things (other than porn) branched out from the alcohol. And he's working on his drinking issue. He never used coke regularly, he did it about 4 times during that one 'worst month in our lives'. Once again, I'm not making excuses. It was bad and he shouldn't have done that.
I won't have a problem enforcing my boundaries, which are him cheating on me again. I will leave him if it happens, no questions asked.
It is a little hard for us to work through this because we have someone living with us, his cousin, and she's going to be living in our spare bedroom for at least another year. It sucks, I wish we could be alone and deal with it, I wish one of us could move into that bedroom, but we can't. We can't even act 'weird' because I know she's got a big mouth and will pass the info on to the rest of the family. The other day we were fighting and I bet everyone already knows. Ugggghhhhh.
I know you will say I care too much about what people think, I probably too. Not too much maybe, but I do. I know one of the biggest issues of leaving him would be 'how do I break it to my parents, they think we are so happy together'. And it's not that we've been trying to make appearances, we actually have been super happy and in love ever since we got married.
Life is tough.
One of the best things I have picked up by reading and posting on SR was a quote from someone here "It's none of your business what other people think about you".
I had to think and reflect on that one for awhile. But now, it's one of the most empowering things I've learned! I was having a problem with what other family members must think after RABF was smashing my name and reputation.
Now I don't bother with those thoughts so much anymore. My actions are true and sincere. I know it, my HP knows it, so what else is there? Well, my child sees it, and that's important.
Anyway, I'm also hoping to see more of what's going on with YOU. How you can step away from your RAH's problems a little bit and not make them so much your problem. If you could get yourself to a place where you're not saying, "He does X, so I am happy. He does XY and I am unhappy."
I think counseling is a great first step. I also believe you will gain a lot of insight from regular Al-anon meetings and some recommended reading.
Peace!