hi cute little wife-
i'm glad you are seeing a counselor. that's good news.
i am a bit aghast, although not surprised, that we can now add pornography to the list of unhealthy habits of your husband. so now, the list reads alcohol, cocaine, lying, cheating and pornography.
not a great list, clw, however, it is a list you are willing to accept.
i am not judging you as i'll share my xABFs list of alcohol, women and physical abuse. and yes, i took him back a few times, as he was always so repentant and i loved him.
i believed my love was enough to overcome these things. it wasn't and in the process, i dragged myself down with him. i have since learned via the 12 steps that i am powerless over alcohol.
many of us have stayed way too long. i guess that is what we are tyring to spare you by sharing our experiences.
it was helpful for me to work with my therapist to understand what my boundaries were. in doing so, i realized that any boundary i had set, was quickly overpowered by xABF. lateeda said to me "you don't appear able to enforce your boundaries" when i first arrived here and it hurt, but it was true. my job became to try to define what i would live with and what i wouldn't, and that is a personal decision for each of us to make. my boundaries might not be yours.
i agree with the advice to get the focus off of him and onto you. as you do so, things will become clearer to you. for myself, i would not live with pornography, as i feel it degrades women and also, sets unnatural standards for sex, that a real woman wouldn't do, yet the man expects these things because he sees it (and the women acting that they enjoy it) in the blue movies.