I can understand where bookwyrm is coming from, I spent a long time in the relationship-and during the frequent breaks-trying to figure out her end.
I would figure it all out, then tell her and viola! everything would be fixed.
While it might have been a little validating-for me-in the end it just served as a distraction from what should have been the main focus of attention-my actions, my behavior.
Just stepping away from everything, letting the fog lift, allowed me to see the reality of the relationship, no further research necessary.