Originally Posted by
cutelittlewife 
L2L I see your point, if I had been here about 3 weeks ago I would have probably written the same thing to someone. But the truth is, we can't assume that everything he says is a lie. I'm having a hard time trusting him now, but I can't put down everything he says, the Reconciliation would be impossible then. I saw him cry, I see how the thought of what he did makes him hate himself and his addiction. And I don't think he's putting on a show for me, I keep an eye on him even when he doesn't know I am. And really, the girl it happened with is a **** and he knows it, I am absolutely sure there were no feelings involved.
Once again, he can't drink and/or do drugs and that's it. As long as he stays sober he will never cheat on me and I am positive about this. There is a saying that 'If something happened once, it might never happen again, but if something happened twice it will definitely happen the third time'. I have noticed throughout my life for this to be true and believe me, I will have no problem dumping him if he cheats again. We're all human, we make mistakes. As long as he learns from this one, I will stick around and keep loving him.
Again, ((((HUGS)))). I can say with utmost confidence that most of us have seen our A cry. I believe they do feel bad about their actions. (Reading the Big Book is really opening my eyes..get one if you can)
I can also say with utmost confidence that most of us have seen our sober A's act horribly. Some have even cheated, again.
Thing is, what you can say with confidence is what YOU can do. What you can tolerate. What you can live with.
I feel that until your AH (and my AB for that matter) is wholeheartedly working his steps, his program, and finds his connection to his HP to be indestructible, then your relationship (and mine) has a chance.
Please focus on you.
Right now, in Al-anon, I've been living by the 'don'ts' that are posted on our meeting wall. One big Don't that I have to really concentrate on is "Don't monitor your alcoholic".
I'm observing, sure, since actions do speak louder than words. But I'm not measuring, monitoring, checking up, searching, detecting, or any of those things. It's such a beautiful freedom!
