It's been a little while since I've posted.
Christmas with my family 'back home' was amazing. I think that was a good place to practice my new boundaries. It seemed to work very well.
When I returned to my home, AB was at 'our' house for the two weeks we were gone. I can only guess it was a two-week binge for him.
We celebrated a beautiful New Year's Eve at one of his aunt's house. There was drinking there, but AB and I didn't drink. I think AB didn't drink. He seemed sober. I didn't try to manage or monitor him at all. That was an amazing step for me.
After a couple days, it was clear AB had dropped deeper into his bottle. He waited until I'd go to bed and then drink all night, sleep all day, and then not engage in any conversations with me or with my 10 year old child.
I arranged for a Family Meeting at his mom's house last Tuesday. As he was driving over to his mom's, he realized something must be 'up' since my child was not with us. He dropped me off at home. I had the locks changed.
Now, one week and one day later:
I sleep peacefully at night. My 10 year old child seems more at ease. The child actually laughs occasionally. I hadn't seen that in awhile.
I have set aside my judgements. I no longer resent AB or his drinking. I miss what 'was', but not very often. I focus on TODAY. That is the biggest healing step I've made so far. Today is something I can do.
I read "Courage to Change" every day. Then I meditate. I read The Big Book every day. That has given me such helpful insight. I have also begun a Joyce Meyer book "The Confident Woman". Love it! and Pete Hamill's book "A Drinking Life". Good one.
I attend Al-Anon at least once, usually twice a week. Boy, I will love it when I can go there without the tears falling. But they do.
I don't have a sponsor yet. I plan to get one. There is one lady at Al-anon who seems nice enough. I'm not usually a shy person, but I'm not sure how to approach her about possibly becoming my sponsor.
That is where I am today.
As far as AB? Well, he's angry. We're still in daily contact. I will listen to him, and I say things like, "i'm sorry if you feel that way." but so far, his talk hasn't been upsetting to me.
I don't know what's ahead. But I know what is Today.
