ok. im the horrible husband reviewing theses post with my clw. im doing this to try to make this thing work as i will do anything for my wife. i know what i did was wrong and i have to live with the pain i caused. i now will be alone for eternity as i rot in hell for what i did. no one on this post knows what our marriage is about and only we can resolve this crisis. i will continue to get help for my problem and hope to God tnat one day my wife will be able to forgive me. i am not deserving of her love and am very greatful to have her. again i will do anything for her... i am trying to understand if i am constitutionally able to be honest with myself. i thought that i was but seem to always **** up.
hello mr. clw-
as i was reading this thread, i could feel the sincerity and also, naivity of clw. then you, mr. clw came in and the whole vibration dropped to what felt quite self-depreciating.
i've got a few things to say regarding what mr. clw has expressed in his share here. i see no signs of healthy recovery in your words, mr. clw. it would
appear that you have taken responsibilty, but i feel you haven't. you merely got busted. much of your words are pointing back at how awful, horrible and underserving you are. this is a self preservation tactic.
are you always so self-focused, mr clw?
you're scrambling now to save your...i was going to say family but no, you're scrambling to save YOURSELF. i call this CYA ...cover your a$$...
since you are questioning whether you can be honest with yourself, i say based on what has transpired, i would say no. you have yet to be honest with both yourself and your wife. if you were honest and truly in recovery, when you sobered up, you would have been honest with your wife. this you did not do.
if you want to do the next right thing, then i would encourage you to stop talking about honesty and get real. what is required is that you tell her the other things you have done behind her back so that she has all the information she requires to make the right decision for herself and your child. and don't tell me there aren't other things because an alcoholic, cocaine using, cheater doesn't just do one thing and hide it, do they?
you and i both know i am speaking the truth. your wife might not but she doesn't yet know the score.
you want to do the right thing? you'll do anything for her? then face your demons and tell her everything then. she deserves to know.
otherwise, you will never be free and she will suffer more.