Cyranoak

...what you are experiencing with your father is very difficult, and I can't imagine what it would be like to go through this with a parent. That said, I think you are learning quickly and thinking properly for the most part.

Noday is giving you really good guidance in this thread, and I would second most (if not all) of what she has posted for you. In fact, I'd second most of what she says anywhere on this board. The uncertainty, despite her uncertainty, also posted good advice.

Be patient with yourself, do what is right for you when you know what is right, and when you aren't sure try to play the movie out to the end (if/then yourself all the way through it). That sometimes helps.

As for your dad and his "poor me" manipulation? They often feel worse about themselves than we do, and us telling them how pathetic they are just makes those feelings worse. They'll often hear it even when we aren't saying it. My wife is ten times harder on herself than I am.

That said, I believe it is just one of the many tactics alcoholic use to manipulate those around them. Recognize it as that and it gets a lot easier to handle. You may even find yourself learning to ignore things like that.

Bottom line, do what you need to do whatever you determine that is, and make the best decisions you can at the time you have to make them. If you don't have to make them right then, wait until you are confident in your decision or can't wait any longer. Down the way if they turn out to have been wrong, fair enough. Just don't make the same mistake twice and life will get a little better.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak