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Old 01-11-2011, 12:07 PM
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daughter333
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 27
More help on boundary setting

I posted a while back that I set some boundaries with my dad:
- He should not call me when he's been drinking and if he does, I will end the conversation.
- I will not take him to a liquor store when he visited me for Christmas.

So far he's respected both. Except, oops, the other day I called him and it was clear, immediately, that he had been drinking. Slurring, telling me he's just spilled his glass of "...juice." But, like an idiot, I give him the benefit of the doubt and say "Remember how I said that I don't want to talk when you're drinking? Maybe we should talk another time." I didn't stick fast to my boundary until the conversation escalated. Then I ended the conversation.

He called the next day to leave me a voicemail apologizing for not sticking to our agreement. Which is actually awesome and makes me proud that, at least on the second try, I stuck to my guns.

Now I want to take this a step further and ask that we only talk once a week. Right now he's calling me every couple of days and repeating the same things over and over (his memory is pretty shot) even when he is not drinking. Frankly, he ruins my day when I talk to him because the conversation is mostly about how lonely he is. We don't have much to talk about and I feel like putting parameters on it would keep him from getting too emotionally dependent on me. Am I just on a power trip or am I just running from having to deal with him? I don't want to do either one, but I do want to make a conscious decision that helps me deal.
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