ShiningStars and fellow Texan, you are really asking two separate questions here. The first question you are asking is:
"How do I just sit back and watch him die slowly?" You are
NOT responsible for someone else’s drinking! If you find yourself living with an alcoholic, you may feel you are in an extremely difficult situation. Living with an alcoholic can be a nightmare! It is very understandable if you want to seek help for yourself even if the alcoholic will not. The biggest problem with an alcoholic is his denial. The alcoholic, himself, must recognize and accept his own need for recovery.
The standard answer you will find here on SR, and from me, is to learn how to
detach with love. A simple concept promoted by Al-Anon; but difficult to practice in
REAL LIFE! Check out some of the following links:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-detach-3.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tach-love.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hing-love.html
The following excerpt
"How to Develop Detachment" is from:
Developing Detachment | LIVESTRONG.COM
In order to become detached from a person, you need to:
First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on.
Second: Take back power over your feelings from the person you have given power to affect your emotional well-being.
Third: "Hand over" to your Higher Power the person which you would like to see changed, but which you cannot change on your own.
Fourth: Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by admitting to yourself and your Higher Power that there is only one person you can change, and that is yourself, and that for your serenity, you need to let go of the "need" to fix, change, rescue or heal the other person.
Fifth: Recognize that it is "sick" and "unhealthy", to believe, that you have the power or control to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person.
Sixth: Recognize that you need to be healthy, yourself, and be "squeaky clean" and a "role model" of health, in order, for another to recognize that there is something "wrong" with them that needs changing.
Seventh: Continue to own your feelings, as your responsibility, and not blame others for the way you feel.
Eighth: Accept personal responsibility for your own, unhealthy, actions, feelings and thinking, and cease looking for the person, you can blame, for your unhealthiness.
Ninth: Accept that addicted fixing, rescuing, enabling are "sick" behaviors, and strive to extinguish these behaviors in your relationship to persons, places and things.
Tenth: Accept that many people, places and things in your past and current life are "irrational," "unhealthy", and "toxic" influences in your life, label them honestly, for what they truly are, and stop minimizing their negative impact in your life.
Eleventh: Reduce the impact of guilt, and other irrational beliefs, which impede your ability to develop detachment in your life.
Twelfth: Practice "letting go" of the need to correct, fix or make better the persons, places and things in life, over which you have no control or power to change.
Now,
ShiningStars,
if you are still with me here on my post, for your second question.
"We have two small children - our 3yo is autistic...I know I don't have to stay with him, but I've been a SAHM and don't have a vehicle or income of my own. I'm trying to get to a place where I can be on my own and take care of my kids." Check out the following link:
https://childsupport.oag.state.tx.us...si/ApplyOnline
or, if necessary
About Child Protective Services
The Texas Department of Family Protective Services will conduct an investigation of your home and make a determination. If they determine that your AH is effecting your 3 year autistic child, they will take steps to protect him and you.
Hope this helps!
Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Love and Peace,
Phoenix