Hey CLW, sorry it took me so long to get to this thread and respond.
I am a recovering alcoholic/addict, and a recovering codependent (I was married to an alkie/addict, and have a 32 year old daughter active in addiction).
I was the cheater in my first marriage. I was also active in my alcoholism.
He didn't stick around long, and good for him. He divorced me before we had been married 3 years.
I will say this much. I had so much guilt over the pain I had caused him that I
never ever cheated again. So the old saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" can't be a blanket statement, can it?
My second husband was the cheater, and that really drove home for me just how painful it is to the partner who is faithful. I was also actively using/drinking during that second marriage, as was he.
I highly encourage you to start some recovery work for yourself, dear. Consider attending Alanon. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is a book I often refer to.
Right now your husband's primary concern should be his sobriety, because without that, the rest is a lost cause.
I drank again after 4 years clean/sober and it was ugly and painful. I was out there for 2 months and was lucky to make it back into recovery alive.
Your husband knows the drill.
There is no excuse for relapse other than we want to get drunk/loaded more than we want recovery.
Take good care of yourself, okay? I hope you continue to post.
