Originally Posted by
Learn2Live 
CuteLittleWife,
Your feelings, attitude, and words about the other woman are completely understandable. But what is happening is your husband is using HER as the scapegoat and you are buying it. They will do and say anything to divert the attention away from the real problem. Continuing to focus on HER is going to get you right back where this started.
Can you give us any assurance that you will consider doing any thing that has been suggested you do? Such as going to the website that Transformyself recommended? Going to an Al-Anon meeting? Getting yourself tested for STDs? Checking out Codependent No More from your local library? Making an appointment with a counselor or therapist? Requesting a new screen name so that you can get the help you need here anonymously?
He is not using her as a scapegoat. He did not say a single word about her unasked. He wants nothing to do with her, he is not blaming her, he just wants her gone out of our lives. He is blaming himself and accepts full responsibility for hurting me so bad.
I am not falling for all the tricks in the book. I am a loving wife who is trying to forgive. I am a human being who's trying to put myself in his shoes and imagine how I would like him to act if I messed up big time and tried to make things right again.
As for your questions - I went to the website, I'm on it now, too. I went to an AlAnon meeting and although I did not like the experience, I am planning on going again. I will not get tested for STDs because I haven't had unprotected sex with him. He is getting tested.
I am seeing a counselor in about 3 hours, and he is seeing his tomorrow.
I don't think I need to change the screenname, he will not come here (he doesn't even know what website this was on).