I know you're all supportive of me, but please give him benefit of the doubt. He really is a good guy. He's not feeling sorry for himself, I know he can't believe he did what he did more than I can. He's really looking for help and he's changed, and he says he's sorry about what he did and how he hurt me whenever he sees me all sad or 'absent'. I know it's words, but there are actions too.
Please don't see this post as my way of defending him, but really, he is trying. And him reading this forum last night was a way of trying to understand what I'm going through. I could see he was shaking and on the verge of tears when reading some of my posts and your responses.
And don't worry, he wouldn't try to log in with my login, he's not a cunning man, believe it or not. I've always had all his passwords, we never had any secrets from each other. Until he relapsed after 21 months and was ashamed.
I believe he'll never lie again because I have to, to make it work. Without my hope of him changing, how can there be hope for our marriage?