How do I do this?
Hi everyone. I just found SR a couple of nights ago and have been trying to read as much as I can. Please forgive me if I'm doing things out of order, but I read a thread that really got to me. The thread was asking how someone's body told them it was time to stop drinking. Many of the responses included things like:
Hallucinations, convulsions, shaking, watery bowels, not eating, lack of desire to do anything, chronic heartburn, borderline dementia, depression, eye sight deteriorating rapidly, chest pains, back pains, leg pain, anger, rage, memory failing, heart palpitations and more.
My AH has these issues and more. He went to the ER with pancreatitis just before Christmas and stayed in the hospital three days, then went back to the ER with a flare up on New Years Eve. This was his third hospitalization for pancreatitis in less than 5 years. He has always denied his drinking, even when he's falling down drunk. He never drinks in front of me or even brings it home. Instead he runs multiple 'errands' during the day and drinks when he's out. This last week his drinking is out of control. He's come home so drunk he passed in the garage Friday, then last night it was in the kitchen. He says he wants to die. He's been through rehab, gone to AA, etc...
My question is this. How do I just sit back and watch him die slowly? I worry when he's out he will get in a wreck and kill himself or someone else. He's hurting himself and can't see how he's hurting us. I know I cannot control his drinking or 'fix him'. We have two small children - our 3yo is autistic... I know I don't have to stay with him, but I've been a SAHM and don't have a vehicle or income of my own. I'm trying to get to a place where I can be on my own and take care of my kids. But in the mean time I'm struggling with how to handle watching him drink himself to death. It just feels like more than I can handle.
Thanks if you've read this far. I'm so glad I found SR.