I am sorry you had that experience with Alanon. Their 12th step is to "carry the message." They are working their program trying to help you. Alanon saved my life. I was so codependent. Now....3 years after divorce from my AXH Alanon are my dearest friends. I also think the book Codependent No More may be helpful to you and talking to a therapist. Addict/alcoholics are major manipulators/liers. I would not try to get through this alone. I too was cheated on and never got trust back. It was something I couldn't change. What about his "vows?"