I seperated from my XAH several times and we reconciled several times before I came to the decision I had to divorce. A therapist who saw me regularly and (him alone once) said I needed to give him the ultimatum.....90 meetings in 90 days or I was leaving. He didn't go to meetings, so eventually I filed. It took a couple of years. I was emersed in Alanon too and was getting sober for the second time myself. I also had to do it for my sobriety. His disease was progressing and he had dui's and jailtime and lost his (very good job who told him and offered treatment) and he refused. The financial consequences were starting and I was retired from 30 years teaching on a good pension I had to protect. I had to drive him around which I resented. It was hard but 3 years post divorce I am glad I am gone. I have 6 1/2 years clean/sober myself. I had 9 years before I met him and relapsed. We were together 9 years. We wrote our own seperation agreement so the divorce was cheap. It was very hard though. I truly loved him but like SR says...."let go or be dragged".....I just couldn't live like that anymore. I had lost myself in codependence.