a. I have been seperated from my AH many times now...in fact in our short marriage wehave spent more time apart than together. However, the final seperation was a result of his name calling and verbal abuse and being threatening and me know that I can't live like that anymore or expose my children to it. Luckily we each owned our own houses before and we were living in mine, which his name is not - but because of that I asked him to leave. He currently has been living with a friend for about 10months. We're getting to that more permanent part....
b. I don't think we have any rules. I have always allowed him access to the kids etc, he still pays part of the bills. I think it would have been smarter to have rules/expecations - however, he does not communicate well...one of our big prblems so that part is impossible for us.
c. I think it has allowed me to find myself in the chaos my life had become, and know that I don't want to go back to that crazy world. He occassionally will have moment of enlightenment where he will take accountability etc, but this is few and far between the anger.....I find it very hard to keep a clear head in those sincere moments he has...but I try.
d. I have 6 children. 2 from this marriage- they are young, but my other chldren are older and they have stated how much better things are. My AH acted more like a big brother to them. From being a teacher I have learned that kids are quite resilient and probablly do better than we do as long as 1 side has it together.
e. Be patient, someone on here reminded me to take it a day at a time, and not get caught up in making a decision right now...so that has helped me let myself take the time to feel what I need to and make the decision that i need to.
This isn't easy for anyone, but I wish you the best of luck!