Hugs, Phoenix. I am actually having a really rough time with the first step and am working very slowly through the Intro Step 1 posted in the F&F Step Studies. I am no where near ready to work Step 4 without blasting myself.
For what it's worth, Phoenix, I know we at SR only see pieces of the real life person, but you have never come across as a b----. And, please don't beat yourself up for the past. We make the best decisions and do the best that we can do with what we have at the time.