I am working on my recovery from a lifetime of codependency and am presently working my fourth step, again. It wasn't difficult for me to accept that I was powerless over my codependency and that my life had become unmanageable. It was actually God and His Grace that miraculously restored me back to sanity, after my vascular dementia. It wasn't so much me that got me through the first two steps.......but
God, Himself!
We need to be aware that human impossibilities are God's opportunities. Nothing is impossible to God, not even to heal the most impossible disease! Remember my doctors could not provide any medical explanations as to why I had my abrupt turn-around and there are no FDA approved medicines for vascular dementia. I am convinced that it was through a divine intervention in my life that I regained my consciousness and survived! Therefore, it was easy for me to make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.
What has
NOT been easy for me is re-working the Fourth Step......Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. This is where I had to understand and accept what my DDH has told me about myself. He's told me on several occassions that a person who was
"nice" before a stroke can change their personality into a
B**ch after a stroke!
I now believe I know where he's coming from! This last year I've been confined to a wheelchair and had to depend upon my family for my needs. Throughout our marriage and raising our children, I hadn't learned how to establish my boundaries. I was the
"responsible" one doing it all, conceding to things for the sake of peace, and not expecting anything back in exchange. I had become a codependent with a capital
"C".
Believe me! I didn't do anyone any favorites by being the
"martyr"! My children are now young adult men and I can't re-teach them to be more responsible. My oldest son has told me that I'm the
"glue" that holds the family together. My DDH is
JUST to old and set in his patterns to teach him anything!
The only thing I see that I can do at this time, is to move out and establish my own household, with my own established boundaries......and watch my family disentangle itself!
Love and Peace,
Phoenix
