I'm in your husbands shoes in my relationship. I didn't have a physical encounter, but it was just as bad.
One day I came home from a family party completely drunk and sat in the living room and had phone sex w/ an ex boyfriend. With my fiance in the other room.
I don't even remember how it started. That whole night is still a blurr.
Needless to say, he was devestated.
I was so caught up in my drinking that I didn't stop texting my ex. and in my drunken stooper, I'd pass out and he'd read all the msgs.
My situation happened over a small period of time, not once like yours.
But I say that I'm in your husbands shoes because I know how it feels to do the unthinkable to the people you love because of your alcoholism. I NEVER would have done the hurtful things I've done to him if I wasn't an alcoholic.
Being sober now..(3 months) and thinking back on what I've done...it gives me knots in my stomach. I literally feel physical pain because I know thats not me. I'm not that person.
We were supposed to be forever, and I tore us apart.
At the end of the day, its what you can bare. He gave me so many chances and I messed up everytime. (w/ staying sober)
But he's your husband and you have a family.
Ask yourself if your family is worth a second chance.
I know its hard and seems unfair because it wasn't you who cheated, so why are you left w/ the decision, but being a drunk alcoholic is sometimes like being a selfish kid. We make impulse decisions, don't think about the consequences or who its gonna hurt and only do what makes us happy and don't remember half of the stuff.
If he's serious about getting help..that step one.
And steps are all you have right now. So alot of time and patience.
He gave me chances and I blew 'em.
I hope your husband wakes up before he destroys how you see him and the respect you have for him. (If any left)
Best wishes to you both.