I agree with the others that abuse changes everything.
It makes the situation scarier for you and your son. I think you already know the answer to whether your son is learning aggression as a way of handling conflict. Please seek some help for the two of you - copunseling, al-anon (don't worry about the steps now - just go and listen. it isn't crying on someone's shoulder. it's way more helpful than that.
((hugs))