When I expressed the desire to stay with my functioning AH, one thing my counselor told me was to make a list of behaviors I would find unacceptable. She said it's easy for the line to get blurred.
While that helped somewhat, I think it's time to leave when you can't imagine living with them for one more day. When you can no longer bear to be with them sober or drunk. At least that's what is turning into my measuring stick at the moment. I'm actually tired of hearing myself speak about his latest stunt to my friends and family. It's time to leave when you are actually willing to push through because you can't wait to see what's on the other side after being unhappy and confined for so long.
I wish us both safe journeys!