Kilt - thanks for that. I'm in a place that I am ok with little sex but I'm now realizing that alot of other things play into it but I'm still ok with that. Maybe it will get better as the chaos (money, work, school) level out in our lives. He's the one that says it's not "normal" and he can't live this way ...
I see sex as a part of a relationship. We are close, were best friends but between A and sex things are disintegrating quickly. At least through alanon I've learned to take care of my self (no physical violence in our relationship) and to not obsess about fixing/changing someone else or trying to comfort them or soften their fall.