When is it time to leave?
Can any of you share your moments when you stopped hesitating and finally left your alcoholic spouses? And how you've done it - the logistics of it? I've been waiting for a "last drop" for so long and still cannot make up my mind. When my AH is drunk, I'm ready to pack up and leave. I don't have any friends or family to go to, so it's not that easy for me. I actually have to make arrangements, rent an apartment, etc. to do that. Then he gets sober and I feel sorry for him. I know, it's not right. I know he's responsible. I don't even have any hopes for him to get better any more. I just can't accept it in my mind. I've finally realized that his "normal" time is not when he is sober, and he has benders in between. It's the other way around - he is normal only when drunk, and when he's sober, he just survives. Even though he keeps struggling to get normal, takes up sports, goes to school, etc., but the underlying issue of his alcoholism still remains untouched. He would go to a doctor and ask to have naltrexone prescribed, but take it only when he doesn't want to drink. Or go to a therapist and go straight to a bar after a session. But I still feel like if I leave he won't even have any more reasons to fight it. He always said that I and our son are all he has in life. But I can't help! My being near doesn't stop him from drinking! It's been going on for so many years. I just can't take it any more.. because he is drunk right now. When he gets sober, I'll forgive him again. And I won't have the guts to tell him to leave or to leave myself.
I don't go to al-anon, I've never been there. I can't accept 12 steps because I'm an atheist. I just don't get it. Just going there to cry on someone's shoulder is not enough. Besides, I've learned to keep it inside. Do I have to go through therapy to make up my mind and leave? Or do I need to wait for something horrible to happen? But then it may be too late?
Sorry for rambling.