Sometimes?
All the time.
I don't know how many versions of it I've heard:
- "People who don't have family support have an atrocious rate of recovery compared to people who do."
- "I am doing everything you wanted me to do, why are you not supporting me so I can be successful?"
- "This is a disease, how can you leave a sick person? That's like leaving someone because they have cancer!"
- "What if I die and we're still not on friendly terms -- how would you live with yourself?"
- "It's your fault that the children are suffering because you ripped our family apart."
- "It's my mom's fault that I'm drinking and it's your fault I didn't quit earlier."
- "It's your fault if I lose my job because you left me and I've been so upset I've been making mistakes at work.
Those are only the ones I can recall off the top of my head.
And it's sad, really. Because I
do care about my ex. I really, truly do. But there's no DMZ right now: If I show the slightest bit of caring, he jumps at it and tries to pull me back in. He's like a black hole, and right now, until (if) he gets to the point in his recovery where he realizes that
he (not I) is responsible for
him, I have to keep my distance.
Does it hurt? Of course it does. We were married for 20 years. We have amazing children together. But if I e-mail him about something cute one of the kids did while they are with me, he will ask me if I can babysit so he can go shoot hoops with his AA friends. I swear.