...I think it's possible to be non-codependent living with an alcoholic if the alcoholic is abusive. Then the behavior isn't so much "putting him above myself" but "appeasing him so he doesn't hurt me".
While I will admit I did have codependent behavior with G, looking on my past relationships prior to this I had very healthy boundaries. I did go way out of my way to help them (I WAS raised to be giving to the extreme), I also recognized when my efforts did not result in positive changes, I recognized when I was being taken advantage of, and I recognized when a person was not giving in return because they didn't want to (versus the short-term "because they can't right now due to their own issues").
I have helped my friends through some very tough times, and they have returned the favor for me. Anyone who I felt would not do the same for me in return if I needed it was removed from any status higher than a casual acquaintance.
G is my third relationship... While I will not go so far as to say that my first two had a lot of success or promise towards anything long term, they were mature and I got what I wanted/needed out of the relationship in the beginning, put a little extra effort in when they went sour, and got out when I determined that my efforts should have had more positive results than what I got out of it.
Fortunately for me I wrote a ton when I was younger, and while a lot of my writing is about being upset about the state of the world and why is there so much war and everything, none of it sounds like I was willing to be a doormat, it was all about doing something to make my little part of the world better, or in sorting out upset feelings (I wrote most often when I was depressed) so that I could work through them. Almost all of them have a very positive spin by the last two lines, even the ones about my grandmother dying of Alzheimer's.
I guess that's something to talk about with my therapist next week. This session I know I spent a lot of time talking about G, but it was more about the things he did that hurt me, and how to undo them. G always told me I was codependent, but maybe he was wrong?
I don't know. All I'm saying is, I'm sure it's possible, but I'd say that you can't just say "Nope! I'm not codependent" - you probably need to take a good long look at why you're sticking around, and then having someone objective (familiar with codependency and without an agenda) to sort through it and let you know what they see?
I try not to officially "self-diagnose" myself with anything, but to think about it a lot, figure out what I feel are the big issues on the table, and walk someone else through it so they can tell me what they're seeing inside what I'm saying.