it can be so hard being the partner of an alocholic. I am the former partner of an alocholic. I have read this thread going "yep he did that" or "yep he said that". My experience and story didn't end happily though but I sincerely hope a lot of yours ends with your partners choosing you over the drink.
When I found our my partner was an alocholic, I agreed to give him a second chance on the understanding he gave up drink and got help, i made it clear i had one second chance in me only but I would support him and do whatever I was capable of to help and be there for him. This turned out to be for example hours of hearing him moan and grumble about how awful his life was, how I didn't understand him, how no one on the face of the earth had suffered the way he had, days and days on end of being in the deep pit of despair and basically dragging me down with him, - his moaning, mood swings, snappiness and to be fair effects from withdrawal ruined christmas for both of us. I would spend hours researching herbal remedies that would help, once I walked a mile in 6 inches of snow to post some to him where he was. I would send him congratulatory emails regularly and let him know how proud of him I was.
This went on and on - on a daily basis - I am a naturally upbeat happy bubbly person but was beginning to feel well and truly sunk into his pit of despair with him. I tried all sorts to cheer him up. He had lots of issues that needed sorting - family, legal etc etc, I tried to make him see the sense of prioritising these issues and dealing with one at a time otherwise trying to deal with too much at one time would lead to a relapse the response I got was "I don't want to prioritise I am not a proactive person".
I then started to suspect that he was drinking again - the way he looked, some behavioural change back to how he was when drinking (but not the constant negativity that stuck around). I asked him on two occasions, he denied but in a very cold and mechanical way.
I couldn't take it eventually after one occasion when it was clear as crystal that this person had not intentions of ever working (he's unemployed), I am a hard worker and just didn't sit comfortably with this and I was even more convinced of him drinking again when he said that he wanted to try a beer to see how it affected his shakes - I ended the relationship once and for all.
In all fairness he really wasn't bothered at all, couldnt care less and said that if I hadn't have ended it he was going to. I said that we weren't compatible and that he needed someone with a greater level of sympathy than I had - he totally agreed with that and I just, well i just need someone different from him.
Since then its transpired that this wasn't his first attempt at sobriety - he tried 3 years ago with campral and failed after 6 weeks - I knew nothing of this. Also found out that he hasn't worked for years and years and has no intention of ever working if he can help it - he prefers to target women with good jobs in the hopes they will become his meal ticket - feel sick to my stomach at this thought and makes me feel very foolish.
I guess the point of this post is that if your alocholic partner really wants to give up and change he will but its his or her's decision and battle - you'll certainly be able to see the effort and hard work. Some active alcoholics are deceiptful and manipulative.
To the alcoholics out there that have loved ones being affected by their actions, please see how others suffer because of your actions.
To partners - stick with it if you feel they are really worth it as I am sure the rewards at the end will be a wonderful life together.
Unfortunately thats not going to happen for me, but it will for lots of others and that cheers me and helps mend my crushed spirit right now.
Thoughts and prayers with you all