fullcircle,
I am sorry for what you are dealing with, with your own child and with your neice.
I am the mother of a (hopefully) RAS (recovery addict son) who is 30 years old. I enabled him right into my own financial mess and am currently working a FT and PT job to dig myself out. I mostly read and post on the Friends and Families of Substance Abuse forum, seems life alot more parents there.
It is hard/different when it is your child, but I learn from everyone. I have attended both NarAnon and AlAnon and have benefited from both programs.