I believe the physical dependency and brain changes are part of a disease process. It happens to people (but only some people), they have no choice in that.
Recovery is a choice. A choice that *every* human being can make if they want to regardless of what kind of addiction or chemical dependency related disease they have. This is where personal responsibility and being held accountable for their own behavior comes in IMO.
I agree that from my point of view (as a non-alcoholic living with one) it really doesn't matter all that much. I still have to determine what I am going to live with.
I've never lived with someone in true healthy active recovery or tried to navigate that path but I'm going to speculate that believing the above would some how grant the person some special considerations. Special consideration meaning me accepting or understanding their needs may be different then someone without alcoholism - not abusive behaviors. Similar to how someone with some other chronic disease may need special considerations at times. They may need to spend more time then your regular joe on personal needs to stay healthy for example. Our shared activities may at times be dictated by what they need to stay healthy - things like that. Another example. One of my kids has ADHD. He needs more time and less nagging. His brain is not going to change overnight. He'll need more time and less nagging tomorrow too. That is his special consideration but it is a choice (or something he's responsible to learn) that he doesn't get to flip out and take it out on anyone within reach when he gets overwhelmed. He also doesn't get to shirk responsibility because of it. But i have to understand that he can't always help it that he has to go upstairs 6 times to get both socks on. I can't hold that against him and be mad about it. I'm a work in progress on that front.
Of course, he's my son, a child, and I'm not going to kick him out of the house but I may make the decision to never marry another adult with ADHD - especially one that refuses to acknowledge or deal with it! See - again - the recovery is a choice!