, lifewenton, to the f&f forum! My job for the last twelve months has been to learn how to take care of myself and learn how to love myself! This was no small task for me since I'm still living with my dry drunk husband, but my very life depended upon it. This is some of the things I have learned over this period of time.
The key to being in the moment is to start with a few small goals and slowly build from there. Draw upon whatever resources are available. Take things one day at a time and reward yourself for each accomplishment. The steps may seem small, but they’ll quickly add up. And for all the energy you put in to your recovery, you’ll get back much more in return.
In order to being in the moment, you have to nurture yourself. This includes making time for things you enjoy, asking for help from others, setting limits on what you’re able to do, adopting healthy habits, and scheduling fun activities into your day. Do things you enjoy (or used to) While you can’t force yourself to have fun or experience pleasure, you can choose to do things that you used to enjoy. Pick up a former hobby or a sport you used to like. Express yourself creatively through music, art, or writing. Go out with friends. Take a day trip to a museum, the mountains, or the ballpark.
Emotions are powerful, but if you are emotionally intelligent, you can harness the power of your emotions. Emotional intelligence gives you the tools for coping with difficult situations and maintaining a positive outlook. It helps you stay focused, flexible, and creative in bad times as well as good. The capacity to recognize your emotions and express them appropriately helps you avoid getting stuck in depression, anxiety, or other negative mood states. In other words, emotional intelligence makes you resilient.
Push yourself to do things, even when you don’t feel like it. You might be surprised at how much better you feel once you’re out in the world. Even if you're still unable to focus immediately, you’ll gradually feel more upbeat and energetic as you make time for fun activities.
Aim for 8 hours of sleep. Lack of focus typically involves sleep problems. Whether you’re sleeping too little or too much, your mood suffers. Get on a better sleep schedule by learning healthy sleep habits. Expose yourself to a little sunlight every day. Lack of sunlight can hinder our ability to focus. Make sure you’re getting enough.
Practice relaxation techniques. A daily relaxation practice can help improve our focus, reduce stress, and boost feelings of joy and well-being. Try yoga, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation.
What you eat has a direct impact on the way you feel. Aim for a balanced diet of protein, complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables.
Keep a “negative thought log”. Whenever you experience a negative thought, jot down the thought and what triggered it in a notebook. Review your log when you’re in a good mood. Consider if the negativity was truly warranted. Then, for each negative thought, write down something positive. Negative thinking puts a spin on everything, including the way you see yourself, the situations you encounter, and your expectations for the future. Just thinking happy thoughts or wishful thinking won’t cut it. Rather, the trick is to replace negative thoughts with more balanced thoughts.
Getting the support you need plays a big role in lifting our moods and keeping it away. On your own, it can be difficult to maintain perspective and sustain the effort required to remain focused. But the very nature of codependency makes it difficult to reach out for help. However, isolation and loneliness make our mood even worse, so maintaining close relationships and social activities are important. If you find your moods getting worse and worse, seek professional help.
Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Love and Peace,
Phoenix