Hi and Welcome to the SR family!
You will find lots of information, support and encouragement here. We understand.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
I thought for a long time that I wanted my AH (alcoholic husband) to get sober. I tried crying, screaming, silence, cooperation, compromise, love, love, and more love to get my AH sober.
After I learned about alcoholism, codependency, and Alanon I began to shift my focus from my alcoholic to myself. I started taking better care of myself, I learned more about recovery, I learned to listen to my needs, and I started to make changes. My AH noticed.
I decided I needed to leave my active AH to protect myself and my children from the downward spiral of active alcoholism. When I let my AH know that I was leaving, he asked me if I would stay if he got sober. This is what I said:
"I used to believe that sobriety was what I wanted from you, now I understand that there is a difference between sobriety and recovery. There is more that needs to change than just stopping drinking."
There is a difference between sobriety and recovery. Sobriety means that the alcoholic is not picking up alcohol anymore. Recovery means that the alcoholic is addressing issues, emotions and reactions that have lead to a life of chaos.
Putting down the drink will not change the verbal abuse and anger issues. Those need to be addressed too.