Well, my situation was unique in the sense that everything worked out just right for me because of circumstances. Some beyond my control, and some I didn't realize were in my control, but fell into place.
I did my own divorce, with the help of a free phone consultation with an attorney, a book I bought from Nolo Press, and advice from friends. But, the reason it worked out well for me was more to do with my own procrastination than anything else. I was not ready to divorce my husband because I still had hope that after 20 years he would see the light and get sober.
When I kicked him out of the house, I made the decision not to file for divorce for at least six months. I hoped he would get sober and we could reconcile. He did get sober, and we tried to reconcile, but it seemed the more we tried the further apart we were getting. So, after about a year of being separated, and several months of trying to get back together, I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work and I wanted a divorce.
Then, I filed, but still was not motivated to follow through with all the steps. I put it off and put it off and frankly just didn't want to face it. By the time I finally pushed myself into finalizing it, he was resigned to the fact that it was over. We were able to come to a fair and equitable agreement only because the anger and pain had already been worked through and we were both ready to just be done with it.
I believe if I had rushed it, it would have been much uglier. But, I didn't procrastinate because I knew it would help the situation, I just didn't really want to go through with it. I'm really glad that it worked out the way it did, but it wasn't a conscious plan on my part. I guess it was the universe working things out in it's own way and it's own time.
L