Rancher, you sound like a very caring and understanding father. You have been the only father one step-daughter has known for half of her life, and for the other one, you have been the only father she has known for seven of her eleven years. Children really do know more than what, we parents, want them to know. I'm just wondering to myself, if your step-daughters don't already know that
"something" is just
NOT right with their mother. If you were the father you sound like you were, they already know how much you love and care about them.
You wrote
"I've been such an enabler for my wife that the girls align with her. I've worked hard not to expose them to ugliness. I can't do it any more." How do you
REALLY know this? Maybe this is the way your step-daughters are enabling their mother? :help
I agree with the other posters, you need to talk to an attorney who deals with custody suits. You won't know what your options are until you find out. Remember when you talk to an attorney, you are covered by the attorney-client priviledges. Often attorneys will provide the initial consultation free of charge. In some states a divorce can be granted through a mediation instead of through the court system. Mediation is a more private means of getting a divorce.
Everyone reaches their own
"bottom" for seeking out recovery for their alcoholism. Maybe by you leaving your wife and filing for divorce will be her
"bottom". Then you could have joint custody.
Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Love and Peace,
Phoenix