Those first initial months were so awkward to go through emotions. Particularly the ones you speak of. Anger would be my trigger cause it would usually lead me to self pity some how and believing the lie that no one understood what I was going through.
But it was actually later I realized what was even worse.
When perfectionism began to kick in. And I began to think I wasn't 'supposed' to get angry. Then I'd get angry that I allowed myself to get angry.
Didn't leave me much time to be anything BUT angry.
I HAD to be the angriest person in the rooms of AA I went to for a spell. But I stuck with it. Not sure what changed but after some time, I at least stopped punching the tables when I shared and made others nervous around me. They even began to come sit next to me at meetings....on purpose.
It does get better. Hang in there.
