. My A is telling me how everyone in his therapy says he just needs to go to counseling and not AA, but he'll do both for my sake if I go to AA with him. (His councilor has assured me that he's supposed to do both, and by himself).
He also says that the councilor said he needs a strong support system, and if he's got a strong girlfriend he should go to her when he needs help. (Again, a confirmed lie).
And this morning he called and left a giant list of things I need to do to make the relationship he has with his family much better, because I wasn't taking a proactive role in things so it's mostly my fault, he'll admit he contributed with the drinking but he'll never drink again so the rest is up to me.
This sounds pretty typical of alcoholics. I used to fall for these kinds of things and run around like a chicken w my head cut off trying to make these things happen, thinking it would fix the problem(s). Sooner or later I learned about blameshifting and manipulations and stopped doing these things. But most importantly I came to understand that falling for it and participating in it only hurts the alcoholic more because it only perpetuates the addict or alcoholic's delusions and incorrect beliefs more. I learned to stop playing by their rules and their reality. So, like I said earlier, it's best not to cater or react to anything they say regarding themselves, their alcoholism, or their Recovery. Frankly, IMO, if they are talking about it to me that is a clear indicator to me that they are not serious about getting sober.