Dear FlyAway, I am so sorry for what you have gone through and are going through. I also have family who are alcoholics, drug addicts, and one has severe mental illness. One thing I would like to share with you, the three C's, tells us that: We did not Cause it, we cannot Cure it, and we cannot Control it. I agree with the above posters that you are not responsible for your son's addictions or behavior and are not obligated to continue to be abused or to pay for any additional treatment. Treatment will not work anyway, unless and until HE is ready for it to work. And even then there are no guarantees. I mean, look at me: I am desperate to stop smoking after decades and have actively sought treatment but continuously fail and relapse. And I strongly WANT to stop.
To "disown" someone I believe is a legal term. Here it is sufficient to start by simply working on Detachment from another person. There are forces at work inside of you that are causing you trouble, and Al-Anon can help you discover these things for and about yourself. It sounds like you may have gone to a "Step" meeting and that may be why that meeting was not right for you at that time. Al-Anon recommends trying 5 or 6 different meeti gs before making up your mind. I also think this is a good idea. Al-Anon saved my life. I hope you give it another try. (((hugs))) You are not alone.