StarCat

Thanks - I think what I was dreading most was whether or not I was strong enough to make my boundaries clear. His daughter was there and backed me up, so that made everything easier.
He's still all wrapped up in himself. He wrote me a poem, he thought it was the most heartfelt thing he had done in a long time (which it probably is) and would go a long way to explaining the things he was going to change in the future (which it didn't). He wrote a list of all the things he wanted to stop doing (which were great), and of all the things he would start doing this year (which were not). I was the only person mentioned in this resolution, he didn't even mention his mother, much less his sister, children, grandchildren, etc. When I pointed that out to him he was extremely confused and started to get defensive and angry until his daughter stepped in and agreed with me.

He tried to get me to agree to allow him to move back in for the weekends only, and I told him that if he wanted to be together over the weekend we'd stay in different rooms at his mother's.
He made a list of all the AA meetings that allow spouses to attend (not sure if girlfriends are even allowed) - but if I ever went to one of those with him I know either he won't let me talk because he wants to be the one to tell the story, or he'll get all defensive if I talk and try to interrupt me (so I'll spend most of the meeting in the car). I told him I'm going to Al-Anon, but he wants to drag me to AA with him instead.
He tried to propose to me, but I shut him down. He convinced himself I didn't want him to ask then because I wanted it to be special when he did ask; I've gotten tired of trying to tell him that I'm not sure where the future of this relationship is going, because every time I try he comes up with his own explanation of what I'm saying.

Maybe someday he'll get it, or maybe someday I'll get tired of him not getting it and remove myself from the picture. I can hope for the former, but I will keep my options open in case it's the latter.