It's been one
H*****LL of a year for me! And I'm just
GLAD that the
HOLIDAYS are over! I had made threads
"Nice for Christmas but Naughty for New Year's!" and
"Need to keep my mouth SHUT-HELP".
I was asking for advice on how I could keep my mouth shut until Christmas and the Holidays were over. I was trying to keep everything under control and felt responsible for my adult children having a Merry Christmas.
On December 21st, I even tried to approach my DDH from another angle. So I started agreeing with him, and all his negative projections. He had previously told me that he had heard from several other people that a stroke can change a person's personality from being a nice person into a
B**CH! I told him he was right about me, that I was suicidal, and that I needed to go to our city's mental health hospital for help. He responded
"Great! Another Christmas down the drain!" He was going to have to run this through our two sons for their thoughts. I told him that my mental health and my life shouldn't depend on anyone else's opinions! He responded by getting on his laptop and checking out our state's lottery tickets.
Even repeating the
Serenity Prayer didn't help bring peace and calm to my household. So I started doing something really
STUPID! I doubled my dosages of my anti-depressants, pain killers, and sleeping pills. I slept a lot more than normal, but I, at least, had numbed my feelings.
I
DON'T recommend this to
ANYONE! But it's kind of strange, the neighborhood I live in, lost electricity on New Year's Eve and most of New Year's Day. So my sleeping was just
"normal", and no one in the house is any wiser.
My husband has an addictive personality as defined by
Addictive personality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Sometime shortly after Christmas he decided to show his
"nice" side. I think I could be married to him another forty years and still not know him. I feel like it's a day late and a dollar short. I just don't run on hot and cold! I just to feel free to be myself! Life is to short to worry about what direction the wind is blowing!
I'm still planning on moving on with my life!
The Road Ahead
The road ahead beckons me
To be steadfast and true to it each day.
It calls to my spirit to see
No matter the rocks thrown in my way,
From beginnings to the end
His grace will hold me up
And even when there is a blind bend
His love will be waiting in my faith’s hope.
And, my Lord will know:
As my staggering steps show;
As my body’s strains grow;
As my weakness makes me slow;
I will keep within my sight
The next step ahead,
And, despite the pits and rocks, fight
To hold His out stretched hands, that once bled.
When I think these things too much to bear,
I will see His tears,
Falling because he cares,
And I will stand straight, losing all of my fears.
And His grace will grow
While my steps no longer slow;
While my pain will not show;
While my Lord leads me to where only He knows.by Thomas Watson
Your feedback will be appreciated! Love and Peace,
Phoenix