Originally Posted by
Thumper 
In the last couple of years or so that I was with my xah a line had been crossed. My life was no longer just difficult and hard. It was no longer that I was just settling for to little and missing out on better. I myself was deep in the disease those last couple of years. I was depressed, beaten, exhausted, consumed, frazzeled, overwhelmed, depleted, broken, defeated and hopeless. His emotional manipulation increased with his disease process and I was very stuck in that place of emotional abuse/manipulation as well. I had really lost myself. There was a complete and total lack of joy in my life.
When you posted this, I realized that over the last six months I have reached this point.
Yesterday I realized for the first time in my life that I was truly happy. I got stuck in a half-hour line at the supermarket; had to go to two different drug stores to get what I wanted; wandered all over the city trying to find a radio alarm clock because G keeps calling about one; bought yet another pair of night lights because the first pair I bought were faulty... And I had the most peaceful, relaxing, wonderful day in a very long time.
Now I'm leaving to visit my A in inpatient rehab, and I'll confess I've been dreading this visit. It will be the first time I've seen him since I left my own apartment while he was busy tearing it to shreds, and I don't want this visit (and his still continually manipulative even-when-sober behavior) to ruin my new peace of mind.
At some point there may be hope for him, but he's not there yet.
Only you can know when the lines have been crossed, both good and bad, and only you can decide what to do about it. I'm just trying to keep my options open as best I can, because I'm too confused by everything right now to decide anything, and I know that.